you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
