garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
