If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
my being single is dangerous.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
