I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
