I cannot find my penis.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
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i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
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If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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