I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
My breasts were aching with rage.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
