you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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