well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
