is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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