Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
