sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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