she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
how can u be prego again
I need help removing her.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
