How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
