I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Randomize
