you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
