So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
