so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
