If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Randomize
