at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
