he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
