New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Oh god it's open bar.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
