i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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