A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Randomize
