all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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