Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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