You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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