He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
