I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
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He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
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Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
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