please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Randomize
