God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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