The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize