Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
