Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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