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i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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