and you said cock pushups were impossible
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I think my moral compass just broke
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
