She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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