I was born with a shot glass in my hand
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
