Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
