Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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