how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
