I looked at my own cervix.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
