Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Randomize
