so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
