Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
