so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
