I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
