yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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