You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
