we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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