Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
