sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
