your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
