He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
