What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
