I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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