It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
