Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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