It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Randomize
