We're like a lot better than the average bears
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
