I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
