I showed him my bush... on skype.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
this will be a night to untag.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
