I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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