Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Randomize
