you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
