Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
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You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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