I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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