my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
