i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
